Hollywood Got It All Wrong
by Eilorendil
Summary: Liz is a movie enthusiast, Will is paranoid about paparazzis. When the two of them meet at the campus of Hertfortshire, it doesn't take long before sparks start to fly. The question is whether or not that's a good thing.
1. Prologue: Reality is not romantic

**A/N:** English isn't my first language, so by all means feel free to correct typos and language:)

**Prologue: Reality is not romantic**

JUN 28TH, 20xx 3:45AM

* * *

_Yesterday there was this huge "5 for 2"-promotion at the video rental where I live. Yay!_

_... No, not really._

_It took me almost an hour to find two movies worth seeing (O Brother Where Art Thou and Amadeus) and by that time I was so fed up that I couldn't be bothered looking for more. Then I stood an agonising 10 min in queue watching two teenagers making out like they were trying to get a Guiness record, and then the moron behind the register refused to rent me anything unless I got the free DVDs I was eligible for. She claimed her boss would fire her if not._

_I swear - some people think they need permission to use their brains._

_I was anxious to get home so I just told the girl to pick something and stuff it in the bag. My usual Friday routine consists of leftover pasta and a movie marathon; every moment spent in the store was a moment I could've spent gawking at cute 2D hunks. I'm probably sounding like I have no friends, but there's a good reason for that. Fridays are the only days in the week I get the apartment to myself and don't get overruled by ignorants who insist on watching lame reality shows._

_Although, by the time I 'd gone through all the DVDs from the store, I'd started to think The Bachelorette might be preferable._

_I know - should have turned it off. But you know that unexplicable fascination some people have with the horror genre? Grinning madmen and slamming doors? Yeah. If you think that's scary, you should see the godawful acting and the horrifying dialogue that just had me whimpering on the couch._

_"I love you. I love you so much."_

_"This stubbornness of yours, it's why I fell in love with you."_

_"I got a real bad feeling about this."_

_"We'll get out of here. Just me and you."_

_"If we don't make it, I want you to know I love you. I love you so much."_

_Just writing that makes me cringe. Who would want to put their name on this crap? How can they make money out of this when rental shops have to give them away for people to watch?_

_It's past three in the morning, dammit, and I still can't sleep._

_I guess it's not so much the cheesy lines that bothers me. It's more the fact that they think they can conjure romance by ticking off a list that must have been handed out at a seminar. Dense but badass guy? Check. Smartass, beautiful girl? Check. Bomb with big red numbers that's gonna blow up half of Manhattan? Of course! And in what alternative universe do the good girls get the good guys who're just that perfect for them?_

_Correct answer: It doesn't happen._

_Argue with me all you want, I'm positive about this. See, remember my sister Jane? I'm sure I've posted a pic of here somewhere. She's pre-med, happily volunteers at the children's care center two days a week, and is so obscenely good-looking that she was asked to model. Granted it was just for the local hairdresser (whom we knew), but still._

_She's never had a boyfriend. She's never had a boy friend even, unless you count my friends as hers. Which you probably can, seeing as we're pretty close for siblings and hang out all the time. But the point is that her inferiority complex is about the width and depth of the Pacific, so even though she's smart and kind and hot it's impossible to set her up with anyone._

_(By the way I'm hoping no one is actually reading this because she's going to kill me for disclosing that.)_

_And then there's me._

_While not as perfect as Jane, I do share half of her DNA. I'm also a lot more outgoing. It's still been fourteen months since I had any action in the love department - namely, since Bill Collins dropped his major and went to LA at the end of sophomore year. He'd wanted me to go with him, claiming he'd be able to support me once he got his big breakthrough, but I'd had enough sense to dig in my heels. If you've never heard of him, it might be because he's as good on stage as a rotten tomato - which I would have told him, if he'd ever shown the slightest interest in my opinions._

_But I'm not so sure he even got the part where I said we were over._

_He moved out - let's see - in April, when I was neck-deep in exams and could barely look up from my books long enough to ask him to close the freaking door. I didn't realize he was gone until the end of May and when I did, I promptly dragged my friends out to town to celebrate._

_Because honestly? It was the best thing that happened to me ever since I moved away from home._

_After Bill left, Jane pointed out that we wouldn't be able to split the rent between the two of us. I called my best friend Charlotte, who were still living in New York, to ask if she wanted to move into our cramped apartment. She didn't get into NYCB as she'd hoped (which I'm secretly happy for, as they're just a bunch of snobs), and I figured why not. Longbourn might not be as big as New York (don't think we even show up on Google Maps unless you zoom in really close), but what does it matter when you can have muffin nights, pajama parties, food fights, MacGyver reruns, Singstar tours, last-day exam-readings..._

_She moved in and my life turned from good to awesome._

_I'm sharing apartment with my two favorite persons in the world. Charlotte's energy made me feel so bad I began to exercise, and I'm in greater shape than ever. Mary (younger sister) got into her college of choice. Game of Thrones Season 1 is dropping into my mailbox tomorrow; I've stocked up on snacks and convinced Jane and Charlotte to let me occupy the TV for 10 hours straight. And it's summer! Which is why I'm blogging so late - just realized it's near 4am now. Crap._

_But yeah... I don't think it can get much better than this. And that is something those Razzie-ready movies completely fail to grasp, and one of the many reasons they're so completely unrealistic: You can be happy without romance._

_In my case, I would even say I'm happier without romance. I just heard from Bill (again) last week when he called (drunk) to inform me that he was having the greatest time at the hottest club on the west coast, and guess who just came in the door, babe? I hung up on him before he could finish "Hilton"._

_I'd have filed for sexual harassment if he'd been worth the paperwork._

_- Liz_

_**Mood: **Annoyed_

_**Drinking: **Ginger ale_

_**Just watched:** The X-Files: I Want To Believe_

_**Rating: **1 out of 5_

* * *

Next Chapter: **Breaking News: William Darcy Is Dead**


	2. Breaking News: William Darcy Is Dead

**A/N: **Putting the Author's Note on top so you won't confuse Lizzie's journal entries with it, and also changed the journal entries to italics ;) Thanks to **allboysshouldhavelonghair** and **lovepj** for the helpful reviews; I really appreciate hearing your thoughts.

* * *

**Chapter 1: Breaking News: William Darcy Is Dead**

_This article is about a recently deceased person._

I blink several times, not sure whether the words glaring at me from the screen are a joke. A student with half a brain doesn't cite Wikipedia in his essays, after all; any idiot could have logged in and edited the information. God knows why, it's not funny.

"Charlotte?"

No answer. Music is blaring from the kitchen and my head is starting to ache. It's way too early for vigorous Brazilian rhythms. I glance at the clock on my dashboard - 8:56 AM - and wonder if I should go down to the store and buy a newspaper. Wait, isn't CNN on at 9 AM?

"Charlotte!"

I find her dancing in pink sports pants and matching bra, twirling around with a spatula in one hand and a magazine in the other. Her dark curly hair is in a bun and she looks great. How she manages to do her routine with any grace in this mess is beyond me - the room is part living room, part kitchen, and there's no official border separating the two. Yesterday I tripped over a carton of milk on the floor and I can still see the stains on the carpet.

Michel Teló wails on in Portuguese.

"Hey!" I hit the Pause button on the stereo.

Charlotte whirls around. "I know I didn't wake you. I could hear you typing in your room."

My ears still ring and I'm tired, so I just shrug. "Is there any coffee?"

"Jane left in a hurry earlier, she barely had time for a toast." Charlotte says, flipping her omelette. "But I can make you a cup now if you want, it's no trouble.." She takes in my unwashed hair and bleary eyes . "With chocolate syrup?"

I can't help smiling and she's immediately back in my good books. While she's busy I hop up on the counter and turn on the TV perched on top of the micro. Charlotte raises a brow, but she knows it must be something important if I'm interrupting her rehearsal and she doesn't ask me to put the music back on.

"_... will be expecting some clouds this afternoon..._" Click.

"... _wait, I'm having one of those things! You know, a headache with pictures..._" Click.

"_... the giant armadillo, by far the largest of the armadillos, can weigh more than..." _Click.

" … _breaking news from around the world, CNN..."_

"Not again." Charlotte complains as she hands me a steaming cup. She throws a look of distaste at the TV. "They've been showing that all morning. As if they don't have anything else to talk about. Who cares whether a middle-aged man has heart attack? There's so many other -"

"Shh!"

"_... confirmed his death late last night. Darcy's most known film is _The Young Fox_ which he wrote, directed, photographed and edited in December 1981. It became the first part of the award-winning series _Shenanigans_ which came to a sudden end with the death of Darcy's wife Anne Fitzgerald in 2004. The past year it has been reported that Cate Blanchett would take over her role in a conclusion of the series, but shortly after his death Pemberley Productions stated that no such project has ever been on the table. William Darcy moved to the U.S after his wife's death, leaving the production company to his long-time partner, Neil Wickham. CNN has not succeeded in getting in touch with Mr. Wickham, but the family has asked the public to leave them in peace in this difficult period..._"

So Wikipedia was right. Okay, I can handle that.

I watch the showreel with images from Darcy's life. Most are just of him and Anne on the red carpet. He wears his tux like a champ and you can see he's a true gentleman. Anne is stunning no matter what she's wearing. In all of her pictures she's looking straight into the camera with a smile that could give Julia Roberts a serious run for her money. Darcy never looks at the camera, his eyes are always on her.

It's not before they show a recent close up of his face, done all artsy in black and white, that I start to choke up. He's got a distant expression on his face and looks very serious, but there are laugh wrinkles all around his eyes. I think he must have laughed a lot before Anne's death for the wrinkles to be there still. I think of the wonderful bedtime stories he must have told his kids and might have told his grandkids, and all of a sudden I'm not okay.

I hop down from the counter and make for the door.

"Where are you going?"

I throw on my worn leather jacket and look back at Charlotte. "Out...?"

"In your PJs?" Her eyebrows shoot straight up into her hairline. "Lizzie..."

I roll my eyes. "I'm just stepping outside for a smoke, Char. Not picking up the neighbors."

Before she can say anything else, the door has slammed shut behind me and I'm already fishing for my lighter. Caffeine just won't cut it this morning.

* * *

_JUL 10TH, 20xx 10:04 AM_

_William Darcy is dead. I'm so upset. I know there are a billion other more devastating things that are happening in the world, but it's not like you can control what affects you._

_The only things I have of him are the Collector's Edition of all his movies and a signed poster of Anne Fitzgerald Darcy; I'm not one of those "crazy" fans. But it makes me numb to think that he'll never get to finish Shenanigans. That I'll never get to know whether Mickey ever got his second chance with Emily. Ugh. I feel like banging my head against the wall._

_For some strange reason there aren't many fan sites or profile/bio pages on him (I'm thoroughly disappointed in you, iMDb), so I'm gonna assume you haven't heard of Mr. Darcy. Quick facts:_

_- Independent filmmaker/cinematographer who worked his way up to his own production company_

_- Won a BAFTA award for Best Direction AND Best British Film at the age of 23_

_- Made the brilliant choice of casting Anne Fitzgerald (then unknown) in The Young Fox_

_- His relationship with Anne Fitzgerald was voted Love Story of the Century by New York Times in 1986_

_I discovered Darcy's (EPIC) series Shenanigans in junior high. Much like a girl who throws open her closet and declares she's got nothing to wear, I decided I had nothing to watch. I went to the school library and stumbled over a section in the back full of old VHS. Picked up one, loved the cover (a gangly young man running after a pig in 19th century London), then balked when I read "Chapter 5, part 3". No way, I thought and went home to find some lighter stuff (this was the period of my life when I thought She's All That was pretty awesome). The next day I came back, having grown desperate enough to borrow the first of the monstrous volumes._

_A month later I'd borrowed the whole shelf and gotten several letters from the library demanding I return them (I still have 3 I haven't turned in). Now most of you won't ever consider watching Shenanigans because the total runtime is a staggering 62 hours (no joke). I can't really blame you. All I can say is that you're missing out on a series that has the whole package. It's not long because the producers wanted to milk every last penny. It's long because there is a story to tell. If I want to remind myself of everything beautiful, fun, magical and insane in life... I watch Shenanigans._

_Rest in peace William Gable Darcy. Thank you for sharing your story with us - my thoughts go out to your family, friends and fans._

_- Liz_

_**Mood: **Depressed_

_**Drinking: **Coffee with Hershey's_

_**Just watched:** CNN_

_**Rating: **N/A_

* * *

Next chapter: **One Too Many Bingleys**


End file.
